WHEEEEEEEEE

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Very High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

FUCK

IM FUCKING INSANE. Moving on, here's a quiz i decided to do for lack of anything else to do and the day was boring and i didn't plagarise; it got the permission of the person. So all is well, except for my appreciation of sport as a pastime, which probably isn't healthy, but oh well. (The thought, not the sport.)


Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
01. What is your name: Tom
02. A four letter word: Toga
03. A boy’s name: Toan
04. A girl’s name: Taiga
05. An occupation: Therapist
06. A colour: Turquoise
07. Something you wear: Tophat for the win
08. A food: TACOS!
09. In the bathroom: Tap
10. A place: Tanzania
11. A reason for being late: THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD
12. Something you shout: THIS IS NONSENSICAL
13. A movie title: Terminator
14. Something you drink: Tap water (really, what drinks start with "t")
15. A musical group: Taproot

If you were to create the world, would you make it a triangle or a square?
Square. I would proceed to fold it in half diagonally.

Have you ever stolen a book from your school library?
Nope

If you were to draw on your walls, what would you draw pictures of?
An EPIC BATTLE BETWEEN CIRNO AND SUWAKO

Do you think that guys should shave their armpits?
Who does that?

Have you ever walked barefoot in the snow?
Yes. cold

Would you rather eat 10 spiders, or go blind?
spiders. especially if they're tarantulas.

What if you found out you had another sibling?
Go back in time with a wire coat hanger

What do you do when you're stressed/anxious?
I don't get stressed/anxious

What is your ideal birthday cake?
THE FUCKING SPY

Ever fall in love with a monkey?
WHAT

What would make your life better right now?
To not have the most fucked up subconscious ever

Anything you would rather be doing?
Touhou

What's your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
Touhou

If you’re a girl, are any of your bras uncomfortable?
N/A

Is your refrigerator pretty full? What about your freezer?
NO, NO

Why did you even kiss the last person you kissed?
WHAT

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
I hope that dream isn't recurring

What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK"

Angry at anyone?
the guy who can't tolerate griefing on a FUNMAPS server

What did you dream last night?
Something really fucked up.

Do you think Michael Jackson is innocent?
Of what?

Are you starting to realize anything?
Life is a cruel joke

Where do you go when you need to clear your head?
Subconscious. shame that place is fucked up.

Which do you think is worse: not caring enough or caring too much?
Caring too much. It causes stress.

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
I AM SHOWING NO SIGNS OF BEING NORMAL

From whom did you get your last e-mail?
8gswr3uihedi@8uehf.97r - something about breast implants O.o

Do anything spontaneous lately?
TOUHOU FORTRESS (named all my dwarfs "reimu")

Last person you went out to dinner with?
YOUR SOUL

How's your day?
It was boring.

If you bumped into the last person you kissed at school, what would you say?
"I hope you're not high/drunk anymore"

What would you do if you were deadly ill lying in the hospital?
Do whatever the fuck i could do.

Where were you at 2am this morning?
On the floor. I rolled out of my bed AGAIN.

Heels or Converse?
WHATEVER THE SCOUT'S WEARING THAT LETS HIM DOUBLE JUMP

Do you freak under pressure?
Pressure? what pressure?

What's so special about what you're wearing?
nothing

Are you smiling right now? Why or why not?
no. Smiling is for being embarrassed

Do you think you're trustworthy?
No.

Has anyone made you feel like shit lately for something they did?
If they tried it didn't work

Do you want to know the date of your death?
Yes. because I'd know which day I can do anything I want and not have to worry about it.

Where did your last kiss take place?
ON THE FUCKING MOON

How do you handle a break up?
GLUE THE POLYSTYRENE BACK TOGETHER

Have you ever used the word 'rawr' in an actual conversation?
does "OM NOM NOM" count?

Have you ever broken something because you were angry?
A wall. My skin.

Do you tend to make things complicated?
Depends on whether or not my indifference is bad or good

"GIFTED UNDERACHIEVER"

Isn't that just as bad as being a perfectionist?
Eastern Project: WAVE MOTION CANNONS ANYONE?
"Sensei! Are we going to have Cirno as a snack?"
"Kappa Store"
"Nitori's ultimate rip off television shopping! starts NOW!"
"A copy of a dolphin painting for one million yen!"
"Mobile phones are empty. Cirno's head is empty. Therefore, Cirno's head is a mobile phone" - Nitori logic at it's best.
Also, Refrigerator rocket is better than a normal rocket

I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO! I'M SUWAKO! I'M CIRNO!

I AM AN ASSHOLE

BUT IF YOU DIDN'T REALISE IT YOU ARE A FOOL. ALSO, I HATE MY VOICE. IT SOUNDS VERY CONDESCENDING, AND IS OBNOXIOUS. ALSO, FANFIC QUOTE:

Cirno missed a block, and the parasol connected with her right leg. Bone snapped, skin tore, muscles severed. Only Yuka with her barbaric strength could have made a parasol cut like an axe. Another failed parry; her ribs splintered into white toothpicks. Yuka pulled Cirno’s blade deliberately into her side and held it there as she crushed Cirno’s left shoulder with “the flower that never withers”, her insanity giving her the power of giants.

Cirno’s attacks slowed, her left arm dangling useless by her side, her brain piloting her body like a ship’s captain who has no choice but the sink along with his vessel. Yuka beat her into submission, the fairy barely even able to dodge now. The fight was meaningless now, but Yuka continued to bruise Cirno again and again, extracting every last bit on pain she possibly could.

“You—will—remember—every—single—petal—of—every—single—flower—you—killed!” the witch Kazami screamed, each word accompanied by a sickening slap across the cheek, her face bleeding by the time she was finished with the sentence. Cirno couldn’t fight back anymore, could barely even move. It was all over now. Unless…

“And now…” Yuka grinned, strangling Cirno with her right hand as she hung the parasol across her extended forearm with the left, flexing her open fingers ominously. “Your virginity. I will be taking it.”

There was no warning. No preparation. Nothing that could possibly be called “foreplay”. Lifting Cirno high, Yuka thrust her tense fingers under Cirno’s skirt, not even bothering to remove her underpants before this perverse attack. The fingernails tore through fabric, lips, skin and flesh like water, never pausing, never slowing an iota. Cirno’s body became liquid pain as Yuka penetrated her most private areas, clawing at her insides with nails made of steel. This was not rape; this was torture. There was no pleasure, not even the illusion of it. Only pain, only agony, only the mad, lustful, drunk laughter of this green-haired woman who was stealing from Cirno the one experience in life which should be the greatest thing anyone should ever experience. Blood flowed from Cirno’s defiled orifice, slithering down Yuka’s arm like a snake, lubricating it as she slid her hand in and out. In and out. In and out.

Her red eyes gazed into Cirno’s dull blue ones with an air of complete and utter dominance, her lids just barely lowered in the haughtiest of haughty manners. She smiled with a pleasure only she could comprehend.

“You lose.”

Cirno gritted her teeth through the agony that was consuming her soul, the pain of this penetration a thousand times higher than the pleasure normally experienced. Her world was nothing but fire, a cold fire she could not control. The cold fire of a shattered ribcage. The cold fire of a dangling leg, barely attached. The cold fire of a now-dead arm. The cold fire of her insides being ripped apart by this, this thing. The cold fire of her heavy sword, still clutched in a rigid hand.

Her sword.

There was no warning. No preparation. Nothing that could possibly be called “foreplay”. With a determination born of suffering itself Cirno curled her hand forwards, tensed her good arm, and struck. The blade swung upwards, under Yuka’s legs, through her red checkered skirt. It pierced the flesh of her womanhood, and kept going. It separated the bones of her loins, and kept going. It traveled upwards through her stomach, her lungs, her heart, and kept going. It burrowed upwards through her neck, through her brain, and kept going. With one last scream Cirno ripped the sword through Yuka’s skull where it remained lodged, the whole of her body impaled upon this shaft of steely ice.

Cirno looked at Yuka’s glowing eyes, the fire quickly being replaced with dying red coals. She managed a weary grin and twisted the blade for emphasis.

“You lose more.”

Blood bubbled from Yuka’s still-smiling lips as her consciousness left her and she tumbled to the ocean, her hand slipping painfully out of Cirno’s womb in the process. Cirno’s eyes could barely focus as she watched the rapist fall, fall, fall to the icy waters below. It was over. She was more than half-dead, but it was over.

ENJOY YOUR MENTAL IMAGES. HERE IS CIRNO:














HERE IS YUKA:














I HATE YOU ALL

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

So I'm bored, my Warcraft 3 won't patch, so I decided to play EVONY. Here is a nice excerpt from its privacy policy:

In addition, individual information such as IP address, browser type and access time will automatically be transferred to us by your computer and stored on our server. Except for the purpose of prosecuting unauthorized use of our website, we evaluate such information only for statistical and performance-related purposes. Where possible, the information is anonymized.

Yeah, Just collect (read: steal) all the information you can about my computer.
Also:

Evony exclusively transmits your personal data to the following extent: We work together with payment providers (e.g. credit card companies, banks, PayPal, mobile services, debt collection agencies, etc.) and providers that create and compile statistical data, IT service providers (e.g. data centers, hosts, backup services, database services).

"payment providers" and "IT service providers". No. Not suspicious. No sir, not at all suspicious.

For fuck's sake

Controlling my emotions is getting hard again. Not good, because despite nobody believing me, I was almost perfectly calm in my weird scrap with Aziz two years ago (Who "won" that anyway?). The last thing that I want collapsing is my absurdly powerful emotional shield - I am indifferent to almost everything, hence me not taking anything seriously. This makes the love triangle I was dragged into very odd.

The Bible

It probably contains many errors. However, we are controlled by instinct first, with god apparently nudging us in a direction. Why are no fundies claiming that the bible's errors are caused by the writers of said book misinterpreting or mistranslating the messages from god/whoever. Because the bible more or less explicitly states "you can do as you want, but if you hurt my followers or be a complete shithead i will give you eternal suffering".

On a similar note, the old testament is when god was an angsty teenager, all doomy and such. New testament is the mature, adult god, much more benevolent. Maybe that's the "In his image" part

Shit

PEELZ and DISABLED WIA FOLDER + NO RUN AS ADMIN

COMMUNIST COMPUTER IS EQUALLY UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING

WHY?

If there is a god, he has a warped sense of humor, or is just too fucking lazy to begin the apocalypse/end the simulation that is our universe. Apart from attacking the obvious 'unnecessary organs' problem (as evolution is covered by the idea of a simulation or a tweaked simulation), why do we have such free will, but are still bound by rules? is there some rule god/the gods have to obey that says "you can't let everyone into heaven"? If we are crafted after "God", as the bible suggests, why can we get fat? why do we need exercise? why cant we just make stuff appear using thoughts?
are we the nerfed model of god? why would such a loving being do that, because as the bible cannot stress enough, "God loves everyone". I can understand the idea of this, but WHY would a God "love" Hitler, or Stalin, or anyone else who actually manages to define themselves as evil to everyone. If he does, what kind of crazed god are they? If i continue this rant for any longer, It'll be as linear as TIMECUBE

OCD DEMOMEN: DOs AND DON'Ts
DO:
Charge at Pyros
Charge at Soldiers
Charge at people you KNOW have a higher ping
Charge at a demoman before he charges at you
DON'T:
Charge at a prepared heavy
Charge at a spy, because you'll miss
Charge at a scout
Charge at a medic, but at their target
Charge at a sniper
Charge an already-charging demoman

IM NOT FUCKING DEAD YET

RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE BECAUSE THATS ALL OZZY SAYS RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE QC IS MADE OF WIN RAGE RAGE RAGE FUCKING BANT FUCKING EXALTED FUCKING FLYING FUCKING ROCKETJUMPING PYRO RAGE RAGE RAGE

i shouldn't be doing this, but nobody gives a shit about this blog

1. I wonder what would happen if i put links to every porn site george has gone to on his laptop here... apart from his denial.

2. fuck nethack's kobolds, fuck mw2's nade spammers, fuck tf2's OCD demomen, fuck dota and blists, fuck memes, fuck zendikar, fuck soldier decks, fuck cs source and its nade spammers, fuck my inverse sleep cycle, fuck eating non-2-minute-noodle meals, fuck that sentry, fuck the spy that's sappin it

3. GLADoS is automatic win, and must be eaten

4. DDR + nerds = hilarious fail dancing

5. Professionals + photoshop = large errors

6. 5 year old + photoshop = perfect comping

7. the fuck am i supposed to do with $350 worth of mtg cards

NOW, SHOULD I MAKE A WEBCOMIC?

Ossy has the plans of one. I have an idea.
Dudley's Dungeon > you

FUCK THIS

WHY ARE YOU A CHAOTIC MALE VALKYRIE TOM?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

in other words, i polymorphed into a soldier ant and was absorbed by jubilex, killing me. ON LEVEL ONE

Complete and utter bullshit

so everyone's like "macs are so safe" and "mac software is great", but this is a pack of lies. for example, I accidentally switched off my mac while it was printing, and now it doesn't work. If you do that on, say, a VISTA computer, it will eject the blank sheet and STILL WORK. Also iTunes is a piece of shit when it comes to playing games AND listening to music.

iTunes + WoW = fine
iTunes + WarIII = fine
iTunes + word/excel = fine
iTunes + DOS games = fine
iTunes + combat arms = corrupt CA driver, had to reinstall
iTunes + counter strike = fine
iTunes + MapleStory = corrupt MS driver, was a test so fuck it

iTunes hates games that don't run on a mac

To Quote Emily:

"Hmmm... I'm tired so I'm not exactly prepared for a rant. But hey, its in my head now and I don't want to lose it.

Well, it has come to my attention lately that, well, Baulko sucks. Hey, it might be excellent for our education and all that shit, but do they know what actually goes INTO that? Do they know the STRESS and anger it puts on its students? Most likely not...

For instance, I have been asking around recently as well as checking peoples MSN names and such because I have no life. It has come to my attention that the entirety of my contact list from Baulko have at least one assignment each week. Also, I just skimmed them then and some peoples totals are that of 5! Most of them are probably due within a week. Does ANYONE think this is fair? I'm pretty sure youd be mad if you did.

What about sleeping? Apparently Baulko students do not require such a useless and time consuming activity. I mean, what use does it have? No educational value at all and entirely unproductive. Stupid thing it is. So you know what? Let all the students at Baulko have no sleep, as it ruins valuable assignment time!! For instance, I know many people who stayed up into the early hours of the morn doing assignments... what good little Baulko students.

Now, has anyone noticed that the news is constantly telling us that our generation is so technological, and could no survive without the stuff? It is always saying all we do is sit in front of our computers all day, on our big fat butts doing nothing. Well, we kind of HAVE to be relying on technology these days. I doubt there is any assignment we could get that would require NO technology. We have to RESEARCH etc. Also, what about having to TYPE up things? We need technology for that, do we not? Stupid news people, think about it for a second. Its not like we spend the entire time we're on that chatting on MSN, playing games and doing stupid and time-wasting things like that.

They are also constantly wondering why WE are all becoming fat. They blame it on the horrible food we eat and the lack of exercise we are geting. Why, did they ever consider that exercise takes valuable assignment time away? Think about it, its either assignments or exercise. Technically we are trying to be good little people and do our school work. Then they tell us off for not exercising? Stupid people!!

And also, posture. They are constantly telling us off for posture. Now, take a second and look at the average student. Can they see them now? Slouching over with a backpack half the size and weight of them? We lug around our valuable maths, science, english and other wonderful textbooks along with dear exercise books. What would we do without them? THINK AGAIN STUPID PEOPLE! If you want our health to improve, think about the school related stresses we are dealing with.

Now, lets get on to a more serious point. Baulko is actually beginning to make people reach their breaking points. I know a few people now who have become suicidal because of the stress they are under. This is pretty damn serious. People are wanting to die. I don't know about you, but I think thats pretty sad. I'm beginning to wonder whether Baulko is doing us wonders or horrors. I mean, death is final. There is no reversal. I don't want to lose my friends to school. I have enough to worry about without my friends leaving me. I don't know how I'd cope if any of my friends were to die on me. I'd probably become so depressed and end up being suicidal as well. Think about it. Its a chain reaction.
The people who die as teenagers miss out on so many things. They miss out on marriage, learning to drive, being able to drink... all things I'm sure some of you look forward to. They will never get to experience those kinds of things once they pass away. Its a sad, sad thing for someone to die. Believe me, I know as would some of you guys.

So think about it, Baulko is giving us a hell of a lot of shit these days. But cummon, we can pull through together. I don't know how, but we've got to do it.

Hey look, I avoided writing my essay for another night!! xD I guess I'll just have to go and sleep for the next 12 hours and NO ONE WILL STOP ME!"

Lost and found

1 Ranger of Eos (Ozzy's)

Lost & Found Magic Cards

1 Ranger of Eos
1 Silhana Ledgewalker

Hypocrisy

fuck you too. don't swear

Stolen because i can't rephrase it and agree

I would like to tell you all to stop. Specifically, stop arguing.
Who cares if orange juice is cowardly in your eyes?
Who cares if bad luck is a narcissistic and anti-social?
Who cares if he who manages tasks sounds like a selfish bastard who always begins his arguments with "listen" and "to put it plainly"?
The list goes on. Who cares? You care. Why do you care? Who knows.
Depending on who you are, you might care, or you might not. You probably don't. You probably keep pursuing these lines of thought because you think you are bored. At least, thats what you tell yourself.
But is it really worth it? To upset another, especially the more liquid one, it is like cutting at your own arms.

"Or something. I guess it really doesn't matter. Nothing matters. "
Thats a lie. Just because after everything is done, nothing is left, does not leave people able to go around doing stupid shit.

"What a retard. I keep reasoning with him, and all he gives is flawed logic. Blah blah blah, copy paste all my cool arguments"
Try a clearer line of argument. In fact, a lot of time, all that happens is that you rehash similar arguments again. But I could be wrong. And stop making excuses.

""Never gotten people. Never have. Never will.""
How many more times
Quote the same emo fag
You are not an anime character. You are in no way inclined to behave like those "cool" antisocialism antiheros. Not cool.

"Listen. To put it plainly, you should just shut up and drop your case. You aren't going to gain any ground"
Don't listen to the dumbass who tells you to listen to you. Why the fuck would he decide to tell you all to listen if the only thing you are doing in a 1 to 1 conversation is listening and replying? And why are you putting things plainly when most of the time the words immediately afterwards are so damned full of rhetoric?

"[insert angsty blog post about arguments]"
Why did you begin to write a blog post with the intention of stopping internal conflict, when all that you do is create more? All you've done is attack each person, again and again and again.

"[insert blog about blogs]"
Ok, the whole self referencing thing is a little bit old. Sometimes you do it, sometimes you don't. When it is done by silly 13 year olds in the Baulko Bulletin, it looks like shit. When its done on an angsty, hypocritical blog, it makes you want to hit someone in the face.

"Wo bu hwei suo ying wen"
I don't care if you don't speak english

"fnord"
you too

"so..."
Why say that on msn? doesn't ellicit a response no more.

I have a point to prove here

A description of Ozzy, off his blog:

"A person who constantly gets into arguments over meaningless things."

Just randomly spout lies don't you. I am sick of your shit and your leeching, stop begging for food and buy it with your horrendous profits from selling repack boosters. I bet that's illegal anyway.

this is you:

'*flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame* *flame*
I'M HUNGRY"

This guy will meet you soon:

GTFO

A MOST EPIC WIN

STAR TREKKIN

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot cahnge the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.